what IS self-expression, anyway?

Mirror in antique shop display, Elizabeth Street.

Why I like this self-portrait:
The picture was obtained through my eyes, through the lens, through the shop window, onto a mirror that then reflected back the window bars; my camera; me; the sunlight striking the building behind me; and its windows which happen to have some its shades drawn, some partly drawn, and some shut.

If that isn't a metaphor for the layers involved when perceiving and expressing life, I don't know what is. What further drives the metaphor home is that when I took this shot I wasn't thinking of any of this. I just liked the mirror on display and what it might do as a photo. So much happens without thought. Much of what is seen comes after the fact, only upon reflection.

the version Steve Tyler did not approve

[video now offline]


The sole reason I am posting this here is because I really want Cookie to hear this because she's the inspiration behind all this, and neither youtube, Google, nor Facebook are options for her.

So here's Teaneck T unplugged -- in a public blog. Hope it's not cringe-inducing.

Jersey Street, I think. (off Mulberry Street, east Soho) Photo taken Apr 2008.

Birthday love

Manhattan Bridge as seen from the Tobacco Warehouse at Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park (DUMBO). Photo taken March 2008.


In honor of my birthday next week, we're off to a place that pretty much says it all: Mt. Desert Island.

And in honor of my birthday next week, I'm sharing here one of the photos dearest to me. It's precious for several reasons. The main one is that cameras are not allowed in this site (the abandoned Tobacco Warehouse) without a special photo license obtained through some government agency. I got away with taking the above shot because I chatted up the head grounds guy and nicely asked him to make an exception with me. (I explained that the photos are for my family who has never been there, that I grew up in Staten Island and am traveling in from Jersey, etc. etc.) Green lights for Teaneck T, with a smile. Turns out he's from Staten Island too.

After taking this photo I then ended up talking to more park workers there. It was a nice day, I was all mellow and happy capturing different angles with my camera, and the fellows were curious about me. The guy on the left (above) ended up giving me the most helpful tips of where to go in Dumbo to get my Manhattan-Bridge-in-between-buildings shots, two of which I've already posted on 3/16/08.

That was a day when I spontaneously decided to go to a new neighborhood and explore it by myself with no aim but to be open to the wonder of it. My March 16, 2008 photoblog entry was borne out of that trip.

The older I get, the more I am determined to keep creating experiences of inspiration and gratefulness like I did that day. I wish to grow old beautifully, to be open to people's friendliness and their help, and to be fearless in my solitude. I wish to live the years gaining access where access is not automatically given without effort, and certainly without heart.

exhibitionism

I can't remember what street this was on. Could it be Kenmare Street? Spring Street? I really should start taking notes. Photo taken Apr 2008.


So, yeah.... I wasn't on Flickr after all (per previous entry). I wasn't online much for sundry reasons.

I met a hardcore amateur photographer last night at a party whose camera was large enough to launch a missile. I asked him if he was on Flickr or iStock. He said, "I'm not much of an exhibitionist. I share my photos with friends but only if it's of them." So he takes all these photos but only he sees them. That's true love. I asked myself if I could ever be that way -- that is, fully devote myself to something without any audience or target beyond one's own self-imposed benchmark(s). And it was then that I realized I just struck on a major element missing in my own endeavors all these years. It's not like I never had that mindset; it's that I've never kept to that mindset for very long.

I didn't walk away thinking, "oh, he's the real deal and I'm not." A year or so ago I would have thought that, but one advantage of aging is that you start automatically being kinder to yourself. I did think that he's got his methods of spreading the (artist) love, and I do too. Except I'm still not sure what my methods are. Even aging has not spared me from the murkiness of my ever-changing convictions.